Here’s a helpful cognitive defusion technique to get you started, one of my favorites.
As an example, do you ever find your mind saying things like, ‘I’m not good at this,’ ‘I have no clue what I’m doing,’ or ‘I’m bound to mess this up’? Trust me, you’re not alone. Many of us experience similar thoughts.
And among us humans, it’s common to believe that something is wrong with us for having ‘negative thoughts.’
The key is, if your mind has a name… then it’s different from “you”. It’s similar to when you listen to someone else talking—you have the choice to agree or disagree with their perspective without rushing into arguments in order to make them see things through your eyes, especially if you want to avoid escalating an unnecessary conflict.
‘I am the greatest to the great, grandest to the grand expert in defusion!’
Engage with your inner voice in the same way. Experiential work from RFT studies shows that giving your mind a name helps.
No matter how skilled you become at defusion, your mind will continue to generate new thoughts of all sorts that you may naturally fuse with. Consider the trickiest one, such as ‘positive thought’: ‘I am the greatest to the great, grandest to the grand expert in defusion!’
Stay aware and remember that progress, not perfection, is the ultimate goal.
I personally call mine My Brilliant Friend or simply L’amica. Feel free to choose any name you resonate with. Even simple Mind will suffice.
Now, take a moment to say hello to your mind using its new name, as if you’re greeting someone you met on the street. “Madame, Hello!”. If you’re in the presence of others, you can do this silently within yourself, without shocking anyone.
The beauty of this practice is that you can use it straight away, anytime, anywhere. It costs nothing and works well.